How To Become A Robot – 5/11/04

Lesson One:
One must first become metal. To go about this, one must ingest mounds of metal bits, such as screws, and nails, and preferably large parts of one’s vintage car.

Lesson Two:
Once one has achieved the state of metal, one must remove one’s organs. This is done by carefully opening the compartment on one’s chest (this will become apparent once the becoming metal has been completed) and scooping the now rendered useless insides with an implement that consists of both a handle and a bowl. A rusty spoon will do nicely.

Lesson Three:
In completing the removal of organs, one must now wire oneself. This can successfully be done with a bunch of wiring taken from either the local hardware store, or ripped out from your television. One must also procure motherboards, nodules, and other such knickknacks.
Install your new wiring with precision and care, there should be some blinking lights to tell you that you’ve accomplished your goal.

Lesson Four:
Removing the brain.
If you choose to do this, you must have your wiring perfect. Then commence removal in the same manner as the organs, only through the skull, and not the chest.
If you choose not to, please attach all wiring to said brain.
Either way, proceed to being a robot.

Categories: Writing

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