If Only I Could Make You Mine 9/13/10

If only I could make you mine. If only your arms were my sanctuary. If only your eyes were my love. If only you were my safety, then perhaps the world would stop touching me. If only you could be my protection from reality. If only you could be the one to harbor me on stormy nights. If only it could be your hand holding mine.

If only.

And then what would we be? Would we be us? Or would we still be individuals? Would we lose the sense of who we are and what we were before? Would we forget entirely that we haven’t been together forever? Would we destroy something that was special by trying to make it last? Would we struggle on, or would we have to let go?

Would we?

What then, what if all of it came crashing down? What if the perfection we thought we had was nothing more than thin glass? What then, if we only managed destruction when all we wanted was creation? What would we do then? What would you do then? What would I do? If nothing is perfect when you are my safety, what then? If you aren’t the person I thought you were when we started this, what then?

What then?

If only I had never met you. If only this life was just a dream and I could forget it. If only I hadn’t trusted you with so much. If only I didn’t still want you to be mine and mine alone. If only I could let all of this go. If only I could accept it as it is instead of trying to change the very soul of the thing.

If only this weren’t the only way to make you mine. If only you could still be breathing and tell me that you love me. If only I could have been sure that none of the bad things would have happened, then this wouldn’t have been what needed to be done. If only you had accepted my love for what it was.

If only.

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